I once heard a religious sage say, “the past isn’t over and the future has already happened.” As I ponder this, I realize that when a loved one dies (my Mother recently died), many of our minds kindly wipe out bad memories and focus on the good ones. I find myself doing that as I approach Mother’s Day. But I also think it is wise to remember your Mom for who she was, the good and the bad. When we can look at our parents as near equals as we age – with faults just like us – the true healing begins.
Below, a poem from one of those moments when Mom and I were not getting along. She had a hangup, understandibly so (given the days of Twiggy and thin fashion), with weight.
Love by the Pound- by Linda Athis
I saw you do it, Mom.
You cannot hide
the stolen glance I see
each time we meet.
We hug,
and you look down
at my belly.
No.
I’ve not lost weight.
Not even tried.
Those days are gone.
I only wish
your wishing was.
I was your beauty,
but then came the years,
not wrinkles—
pounds.
You loved me dearly once,
when my wrists and knees
were sparrow thin.
You held me gently,
and whispered your concern.
But I knew your secret.
You loved it.
That is why, now,
when you steal that glance,
I know…
ten pounds, twenty pounds,
it doesn’t matter.
It separates us.
How sad.
You’ve lost your beautiful daughter.
I will not go back.
No Mother’s love can make me do that.
But I know you feel differently.
Think!
Would you have me die early
to be beautiful?
